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Time To Come Alive: "The Gift Of Being In Balance" With Special Guest Adriana Gallegos, CEO Of Perfect Timing Special Events And Weddings
In a moment, I'll introduce my very special guest to all of you. A couple of things, whether you're with us live or if you're going to be watching this or if you're watching this on recording, I'd like for you to go to your social media and share with other people and have them join you because I'm sure that this conversation will inspire your own conversations with your friends, families, and colleagues about ways in which you can come alive too. Go to social media and just hashtag us at #TimeToComeAlive and that way we can also follow and see what you're saying. We can interact as a community.
Part of our session is we'll have a very special guest share some thoughts and perspectives with us but before we get into that, I'd like to take a moment to do a little mindfulness. The mindfulness exercise is for us to be more able to hear and process what's happening in a more mindful way, in a more specific way. After that, we'll start our conversation with our guests, and then I'll give you all an opportunity to chime in with your thoughts, your questions, and your insights a little bit later in the show.
For right now, let's start with some mindfulness. I'd love for you, if you're sitting down to just get comfortable wherever you're sitting. If you're standing, make sure that your feet are planted firmly. I want you to take a couple of deep cleansing breaths. You might find it more comfortable to close your eyes if it's safe for you to do so or just soften your gaze so that you can better look inward. I want you to take a moment to do that. Take another breath.
As we start to listen and to think, I want you to focus on a couple of words and the type of energy that those words have in your mind. We'll try them on and see how they feel to you. I want you to think about all the shoulds that you say to yourself. The word should. When we think about, “I should get up early, I should eat more vegetables, I should call my mom more often, or I shouldn't watch so much TV.” There are all sorts of shoulds that we have in our lives about how we live, what we do, and who we do things with.
Take a moment and try on that word and I want you to figure out where you feel that word. Where do you feel the energy when you think of the word should? Is there some energy in your shoulders? Is it tight? Is it loose? Do you find the word should in your tummy maybe? Is it clenched? Is it loose? Does that feel heavy or does it feel light to you? Does it inspire brightness or does it bring darkness? Just think about the energy that word brings to you.
Take a few moments and another breath. I want you to think of the word choice of the word. Try that one on. I choose to wake up early. I choose to eat more vegetables. I choose to call my mother. I choose to watch television. Notice what the word choose does to your mind and your body. Does it bring light? Does it bring darkness? Where does the energy sit? Essentially, what I want you to think about is any word that we use that makes us come alive will be a word where we experience aliveness. Our language does matter.
Let's take another couple of deep breaths as you prepare to read this and then come on back. If you close your eyes, you may open them or refocus your gaze on our conversation. Now, we are going to enjoy this wonderful guest that I have here. I've invited you to join us on the show Adriana Gallegos. [Ma1] We have been friends for a year or so. When I first met Adriana, she and I both worked at Hyatt, the hotel here in the Dallas area. She's been super consistent in the years that I've known her in all different contexts. She has high energy, is super positive, and amazing dancer. She taught me the thriller dance.
I remember that. I don't remember the dance. I remember the experience. Let's put it that way. Also, she is an amazing event planner. She is mindful and thoughtful about her customers as well as a mother and a wife. She finds a way to do it all. One of the reasons that Adriana wanted you to be on this program was because I'm fascinated by this notion that you have such a big life and you're doing so many things.
You have so much love and so much passion for the things that you do and yet, I've never, in the years that I've known, heard you talk about your life as if you're a victim of it. You always seem so empowered and ready to do the next thing and create a village of people around you to support you. I thought, “We need to find out what is this magic?” Welcome.
Thank you. You're so sweet. It wasn't until you said it that I was like, “No, I guess so. I never saw it that way.” When I was growing up, my aunt gave me this quote and it stuck with me forever. She always said, “You're not a victim of circumstance. You're exactly what you choose to be.” I don't know who originally quoted that. I don't know if you can find it word for word that way, but it has stayed with me forever. You're not a victim of anything. You're exactly what you choose to be. As you said when you started this out, everything is about choice so you choose to do something. You choose to look at life a certain way, this way, or that way. I feel like that when you said that, I looked back and I'm like, “I get that. It’s just how's it always been.”
You're not a victim of circumstance. You're exactly what you choose to be.
Tell me about that. Why did your aunt say that to you? What was it about that particular phrase that stuck?
I don't remember exactly the particular situation, but I know when I was younger, like in middle school or high school days, those are the roughest times of your life. You're figuring out who you are. You're going through trials and tribulations. I think that was one of the toughest times in my life. I love my mom and I would go to her, but you always had that one person next to her that you could go to and my aunt was always that person for me.
She always gave me inspirational books or she always would give me quotes like that. She's like you. She’s very inspirational and motivational. That's how she was when I was younger. With that quote that she gave me, I don't remember the particular situation. During that time in my life, she was my go-to person. She would inspire me and motivate me through books and quotes. I remember having a folder. When you were young, you used to write on folders, and all my positive quotes I'd put on there to keep you focused on staying positive.
I love that. Thank your aunt. This is nice. Maybe I should meet her. Is she still good?
I got to get you guys together.
I want you to think back to some of the choices you've made now. You've got this wisdom and this inspiration from her about being more mindful about what you choose and not being a victim of their circumstance. Talk us through a choice that you've made that made sure that you were on that path, and that you reflected that particular value.
I think one of my biggest moments in life was choosing to move to New York. I always talk about this story. My husband laughs at me because he is like, “Here she goes again with her New York story,” but it was one of those things where I made a choice. I wanted to move to New York. It was a dream and a goal. Everybody that I talked to would say, “Don't do it. It's dangerous. It's scary. You don't know anybody, this or that.” I made the choice and I stuck to it. I didn't change my mind. It was like, “That's what I want to do and I'm going to do it.” It was by far one of the best moments in my life.
Again, it goes back to when it's supposed to happen, it works out. The doors open, you make a choice, and you stick to it. You learn through it. For me, everything about that experience was life-changing for me. I felt like I met the right people. Luckily, I had a job that I moved there for, and they embraced me as a family. I have my New York mama, Melanie, and the girls there that took me under their wing that didn't have to. A lot of awful things could have happened but I did focus on things happening. I focused on my happy bubble. I like being in my happy bubble and I don't like anybody bursting in my happy bubble. That's how I always have been. I stay in my happy place.
What made you decide to find a happy place to stay in?
I don't know. I think that's how I've always been since I was born. My mom tells stories about how I always used to say hi to people when I was young. I'd make friends with anybody. I think it's part of my personality. I think when you get down in the dumps it happens. You do get down in the dumps and you have bad moments. It's okay to stay in that moment for a minute, but then you have to pick yourself up, dust off the dirt, and keep moving.
It's a choice. Everything is a choice. We all have choices. It's moment by moment that you decide how you want to handle something or how you want to move forward or stay in the rut that you're in. It's a choice. You can stay and you can be a victim of your situation and you can woe as me all day long or you can choose to wipe off the dust, get back on, keep going, and learn from it.
Moment by moment, you decide how you want to handle something—how you want to move forward or stay in the rut that you're in. It's a choice.
I totally get that. I'm curious about the circle of people that surround you though. Who in your circle also reflects that mentality?
You. I have quite a bit. I have a great group right now that I'm surrounded with. I'm doing the whole Hey Chica! the thing with Veronica and the girls Margi, Susie, and them.
What is The Hey Chica?
Hey Chica! is a movement that Veronica started about changing the conversation. This is what I love so much about this organization. Instead of us as women talking, gossiping, and saying, “She thinks she's better than everybody because she's climbing the ladder. She's doing this or doing that.” It's about, “How can we support each other? How can we encourage each other to be better and do better? How can we introduce somebody to somebody else who can help them grow and achieve their goals and their dreams?:
I feel like I'm super blessed right now to be in a circle of women who do what they do and they're legit doing it. Everybody's supporting each other. It's not just talk. It's not shown. It's not just to say or do something. It's, “Let's all get together and let's figure out how we can make a change in the world for us as Latinas and then as women or both.” That's what it is. It's so great to have a circle of women right now in my life who are 100% positive and go-getters. “Let's do it. Let's figure it out and let's support and motivate one another. It makes a huge difference in everything in my life right now.
Have you had other experiences working with other groups of women that are maybe up to something just like you are, but yet don't have that level of support and that focus on helping each other achieve goals? What's that been like?
Have I had experience working with somebody who's not?
Yeah. People, organizations, or individuals.
Yeah. There have been situations with different organizations where aren't so supportive or maybe friends in a certain part of your life that are not as supportive or not as encouraging or motivating. It’s sad because you want everybody to be on the same page and everybody to grow and develop together, but when it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen.
I get that. I get that. What makes you that type of woman? I'm a strong believer that we are who we attract. People that we attract are because they're a reflection of who we are and how we show up. I'm curious, “What's made you the type of woman that wants to support and encourage? That's how I've related to you. That's my experience of you. What makes you do that?
I think that there were people who believed in me along the way so I want to turn around and give back because I have those people not believe in me. I'll give you an example. Lisa Welch was my HR from Hyatt and she gave me an opportunity that I didn't believe I could even in my head and possibly believe I could achieve. I went in to apply for a waitressing job even though I knew my dream and my passion was to plan events. I went in to apply for a waitressing job. As Lisa got to know me interviewed me and talked to me, she said, “I think I have another opportunity for you.” I thought, “Okay.” She said, “What do you think about a private dining coordinator in Reunion Tower?
I'm like, “Okay. Yeah, I would love that, but what the heck am I getting into? I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I'm qualified,” but she believed in me. She gave me the opportunity and I interviewed and I got the position. It was that one opportunity where somebody truly believed in you and gave you that fresh breath of air that said, “Go in this direction and go do that.” That for me was a moment in life where it was like somebody believed in me and somebody gave me an opportunity.
There have been moments like that sporadically throughout my career where somebody believed in me like you. When I got into the training role, you trained me how to be a speaker and how to speak in front of people. I'll never forget that day when I was like, “Now, I'm a training manager in HR over three properties. What the heck am I supposed to do now?” You're like, “It's okay. We're going to do this.” You got me up in front of the classroom, you said, “Start talking.” I'm like, “I don't know.”
It wasn't as traumatic for me.
You made me do it. You made me practice and eventually, I got super comfortable speaking in front of people. I learned how to connect with people in front of a classroom, and it was a skill you taught me, but you believed in me. You gave me an opportunity. You coached me. I'm coachable and ready to learn. I’m a sponge but somebody gave me that opportunity. Back to your question, along the way, somebody has grabbed my hand, gave me an opportunity, or believed in me.
That’s why I want to turn around and do the same thing for others, more passionately for young Latinas because I feel there's a certain generation that we're raised around, “When are you going to get married? When are you going to have kids?” That's the goal. Now, it's adding high school and college to it, which is a good expectation but at a certain point it was just, “When are you going to get married? When are you going to have kids?”
That's not what I want to do. There's more in life that you can achieve than those things. There's more that encompasses all of that. To be able to go back and teach other Latinas at a young age. My aunt inspired me when I was fifteen. I want to do that for other young ladies. I feel like I'm thinking forward in my career. I can now say I have the experience and the passion. Now, I can turn around, help, and give back.
I'm curious about what it is about the culture you described because I think women still, for the most part, although we're miles from where maybe our parents or grandparents used to come from, the pressure or the expectation that they came from. I think we've moved light years from that, but there are still a lot of things that we struggle with when it comes to balancing especially career, education, relationships, marriage, and motherhood. What have you found has been the answer to making all of those things count because you are? You have a fulfilling career and a beautiful family, how did you make it all work?
One, I'm passionate about what I do. I know that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do[Ma2] . I plan events. It's in my veins. It's in my blood. It's in everything I do and speaks. It is what it is. That's what I love. It's what I'm passionate about and it's what I do well. I think I tell you a lot of times I'm a people pleaser, which is why I think I'm good at that because I love to throw a big event and make sure everybody's happy. I love to see a room full of people laughing and joking and having a good time because of something that we do perfectly. I think that plays through in everything I do in life. I don't know if my family hates it, but I love throwing events for my family.
I love trying to bring a part of my profession and my career home and share that with my family. I think that has been important because that truly is what makes me happy. All the way around, I'm happy in that sense. I think the other part of that is that my husband is a huge support and always has been of anything that I've wanted to do in my career. Also, having that support and that backing gives you the foundation and the opportunity for me to do whatever I want to do. He's always, “Whatever you want, we'll do it. We'll figure it out. Go do it. I got you.” He's like, “I'm the foundation. I got it. You go do what you need to do.” He's always there for me and I think that's been helpful.
That was good when it was just me and him. Now, we have a child, and things over the past few years have shifted and it's been a little harder because before it's like, “I could do all these things.” Now, it's like, “We got to sit down and figure out who's going to watch the little one when do we have coverage? What can or cannot I not go to?” I think being passionate about what I'm doing plays a role across the board and how to manage it all.
I love that answer. I asked my mother a very similar question because she has always, at least in my mind, done it all. She had four of us. She had some careers as we moved around the country and the world because of my father's job. She always found a way to make life interesting. I asked her, “Mom, how is it that you are able to do all those things?” I never heard her complain about, “I never have time for myself. I can't believe I have this other school thing.”
One of the things she said was so funny that you say exactly the same thing. She's like, “I was passionate about everything I did. Everything I chose to do, I loved.” I think that sounds like the key. What I also hear you say is how you've taken your love, your passion for creating these moments and events for people, and you use it to serve your family.
One of the keys too that I'm hearing is having first embraced your own gift and your talent. The things that are interesting for you but then more than anything, taking that and not only offering it to your career. Not only offering it to a certain aspect of your community, but you literally live that passion in all these different areas of your life. Talk to us more about what that looks like and what it takes to live that way.
It's busy. I'm passionate. I'm happy about it. You said choice again. You brought up the word choice and it's all about choice. I have a choice of what events I can attend, where I want to go, and how I want to go. I think choice is the biggest part. I am passionate about everything that I'm doing and I'm happy to do it. If there's something that I'm not happy to do, that's the other thing. I think I'm going through that process of learning that right now is that I can only have room in my life for the things that are going to make me happy.
It goes back to the choice again. If I'm going to make the choice to do X or Y, are these things going to make me happy and my husband and my son happy? I have to think about those things too. How does that play in? If I'm going to an event and I get to invite a guest, a lot of times now, I think first would Brian [Ma3] want to come to this? Can I bring him to this? Is this something he can enjoy? I think a lot of times, can I involve him and can I incorporate him in what I'm doing?
It’s because a lot of times, you can go out and network and do events and do this or do that, um, and you get caught up in living your own life but I don't want to live my own life. I want Brian to be a part of this. I want Gavin to be a part of this. My husband and my son, I want them to be in any way that they can. That's what makes me happy. Those choices that I've made in life, I'm happy with those choices and I want to keep them all together in one big happy circle.
I find it fascinating because you choose powerfully what you do and how you do it, but you also said that you're a people pleaser. I imagine, “What about other people's choices about what you should do and how you should do it?” How do you balance between those two?
It's hard. I do take those things personally when somebody has an opinion. I'm working on figuring that out. I've done a lot more meditation and positive affirmation and things like that, but I go back to my husband and he is always like, “You can't listen to what other people say. You can't listen to other people's opinions. As long as I know it's in the right scope, it falls into our values, and what we want and it works for our family, then that's when I know that it's the right decision.
That's when I know that it's in line with what's right and what's not. I can't focus on what other people think or what other people's opinions are. That’s a phase that I'm going through right now where I'm learning that because previously I was such a people pleaser. I will go through anything to make sure everybody loves me and is happy with everything that I'm doing. Their opinion of me is positive but there have been a few people along the way who haven't so much liked me. I don't know why.
It's a learning. That's a phase that I'm going through in life right now. I'm going to learn from it and keep moving on. I think that's with anything in life though. You learn where your flaws are. I love being a people pleaser, but I can see on the flip side how it has affected me. I've got to move from a negative place to a positive place.
You learn where your flaws are, but you've got to move from a negative to a positive place.
I know that you're super coachable. I know we've had many coaching conversations. I want to offer something to you because I feel like the words “I am” create an energy about who we are at any given moment. When you say, “I am a people pleaser,” it's almost like a label or a sentence for you to be that in a lot of areas of life. I wonder if you might consider using things like, “I choose to please others.” It does change the energy of it. The intention behind it is, “I choose to please this person,” or, “I choose to please this organization,” or, “I choose to please my husband,” or, “I choose to please my family in this moment,” as opposed to I am a pleaser.
That's so true. Again, it goes back to, “I choose.” Now, I'm going to choose who I choose to please. If it's a client, if it's my mom, my dad, my aunt, my uncle, or whoever, I'm going to choose my husband. I choose to do whatever it takes to make that person happy or whatever the case may be.
Talk to us a little bit about how you build this choice into your relationship. That's the other piece I was at your wedding. I've seen pictures. I know that you guys have a full exciting baller life sometimes. I'm curious about how you choose to maintain that type of energy and that commitment, and now especially growing your family and you have a lot of extended family around you. How do you devote time to your relationship?
It's been harder lately now that we have a little one because now it's like two ships sailing in the wind where it's like, “You got this.” “Okay, great.” Again, as you said, I'm coachable. I've always listened to advice before I ever got married. I always ask, “How did you know that was the one?” I always wanted to know before I made this big decision in my life who I was going to marry. Brian is the same way. He waited a long time to decide who he was going to marry. Having the foundation and the commitment, regardless of what's going on in our life, we have to remember, that it's always us.
We always say, “It's always me and you. We're on the same team. We're never against each other. We're not on different teams. When things get hard or when we're moving and grooving fast. I'm traveling and he's a fireman so he works 24 hours a day. He's gone for 24 hours at some point. It's hard. I'm here alone taking care of Gavin. It can be hard but we both acknowledge the challenges in both of our worlds and we know we're on the same team. We always have come to Jesus meetings and we have conversations. We try to understand each other's perspective. We try to do date nights. We set a goal to at least do once a month.
Once a month is our goal, but time flies by and sometimes that doesn't even happen. That's why it's nice. Sometimes when I get invited to events for work and they're fun things, when I got to take Brian to the stadium for the Cowboys game and he got to meet Michael Irvin was so fun. It was a good night and that for us was a date night. Technically, I was working, but I got to bring him along. We got to have some fun. Any chance that we can find an opportunity to get away and have some fun, we try to keep it when we first met when we were young and all those things. We tried to keep that going.
I think that what you shared is an example of how you bring your passion into your life. It sounds like you blend your life effectively that there are not a lot of compartments that are keeping things separate. A date night can be a work event, but at the same time, spending quality time with your husband. What advice do you give other young mothers or other women that are maybe struggling with finding balance and finding the joy that you have?
The first advice that I think is so important, and again, I'm learning this myself is talk to people about what you're going through or what your struggles. Find a group of people that you can be real with and you can have authentic conversations with. Also, talk about how hard it is because it's not easy. I think a lot of times we try to put on this, “Everything's a perfect lifestyle,” and it's not. It's not easy and it's not perfect. When you start talking to people and you realize that everybody else is going through the same thing, we just hide in our little circle and feel like we're on an island but it's only because we're not talking to each other.
The minute you can start sharing real-world life challenges with each other, it makes it easier to get through it together. You realize you're not alone and you get advice from people. I think getting advice depends on what your religion is or what your background is, I feel that getting spiritually guided advice is also helpful as well because then you don't get sucked into negative or the wrong feedback to handle different situations. You get feedback from a spiritual or conscious and mindful place with your group of friends that you're, you feel safe and authentic with. I think that is so important.
Can you share an example of an area where you've had to seek some advice or seek guidance?
Yeah, definitely. I reached out to you because I went through some tough two different scenarios with two different people in my life who have been challenging to get along with. It was hard. Emotionally, it brought me down and it brought me to an ugly place. I'm used to being happy and in a good place. If I had stayed in my circle and let the voices in my head talk and had that negative feeling all to myself, then I wouldn't have gotten the great advice that I got on how to handle it or how to move on. Again, it goes back to talking to somebody and opening up.
I called my cousin. I got different people's advice and opinions on how I handle it. Am I wrong? It's almost like your personal board of directors. You have a personal board of directors, the people that you can reach out to for different reasons, whether it be personal or whether it be business advice. You have a personal board of directors and when you know that you can go to them, you can pick up the phone, “I need to talk. Life is crazy,” and they'll listen like that. It makes a huge difference. It's helpful.
I talk a lot about personal boards of directors and we get to curate the people in our lives. You said something that's also important, especially with women. We want to support other women generally speaking. It sounds like the kind of support that you are seeking, you mentioned more conscious and mindful support. It doesn't necessarily mean they agree with you.
It doesn't necessarily mean that they're enrolled in the chaos but I can also see how there might be relationships where women provide the kind of support like, “Don't leave him,” or, “You're so right. I can't believe she did that to you.” We begin to feed into the chaos or the drama or keep the status quo. How do you discern, Adriana between which group of people or which type of advice you would be getting from each group?
It goes back to that feeling of positive or negative. You can tell when you start to get the feedback back and you'll know when you do reach out to somebody, and they come back with the positive spiritual responses, or they come back with the gossipy, “Yeah, girl.” You feel the negative energy, or you feel a positive energy or the peaceful energy from when somebody's speaking or the unbiased energy when they come back and they aren’t truly looking at it from an unbiased perspective, which I feel like you do a lot when we talk. You don't ever take my side and you don't say age, “Adriana, you're right. Have you thought about it from this perspective? Have you looked at it from this perspective or this lens or that lens?”
I think it speaks volumes for the person that you will now turn and you'll get it. If you take a situation to somebody and the response that you're getting back from them, and you realize if that's where your heart is and that's what you want, as you said, “You are who you attract.” If that's the place that I'm at in my life right now, which I am, I'm learning how to be more mindful and spiritual, then now I'm starting to attract those people that'll give me that response.
It's so crazy how that works because if you had looked at me in my high school and teenage days, that was a different person there. The different people that I'm attracting then would've been the gossipy people. Now, I'm in a different place in my life where I think you naturally gravitate or attract those people because you're learning and you're mindful of that.
In Spanish we have a saying, “Dime con quién estás y me dirán quién eres.” Tell me who you're with and they’ll tell me who you are.” You take a look at who surrounds you and the kind of people that you find you spend time with and invest your time with. I'm going to open up the conversation to others who are listening right now so you all start thinking of questions that you might have for Adriana or comments about what you've heard so far in our conversation.
I want to ask you this one question. You did talk about how when you have these conversations with different people. You get perspective. There's a feeling that comes over you and I'd love to tease that out because I think that's a smart way to judge whether or not the advice that you're getting is going to bring life or is it going to bring death. Tell us about that feeling. What do you notice about those messages that are more positive or uplifting? What do you feel?
I'll give an example of when I called you that day and I was having a rough week. Your voice immediately calmed me down. The more that I talked about it, the bigger and the, and the louder and the angrier and more frustrated I got but you were very calm and very mellow-toned about it. You didn't get high energy with me or gossip with me. That brought peace to me. It brought me like, “Come back down. Everything's going to be okay. Let's talk about this from this perspective, from this angle.” You just feel it or you can get on the phone with somebody and say, “Can you believe this girl did this?”
The gossip gets bigger and that negative energy gets bigger. You're like, “That's not where you want to be.” You can tell they’re two different conversations. While I appreciate both, I always love everybody's perspective. You could take a little nugget from there and a little nugget from this. You can tell. If you listen for a second, feel it, understand it, and absorb it, you can feel that positive or that negative energy that comes.
I think the keyword in there is that peace. Whatever brings us peace and peace doesn't necessarily always look like a lack of conflict, but it’s a place of groundedness. You feel more centered. You feel like, “Now, I can think straighten it.” I believe in our conversation, a part of it was when we think about how our brain works and the limbic system goes crazy. The amygdala goes into fight, flight, or freeze, we are not able to engage the part of our brain that is much more logical and rational.
Part of it is calming down that part of the brain that is there to protect us and keep us safe and yet, when we want to move forward and make those more mindful choices becomes difficult to do it if we're doing it from that place. I think what you're speaking to is connecting with the community of people that will help you ground yourself so that you feel safe. I think you hear it also that you have people that are safe for you so your brain doesn't have to fight, flight, or freeze.
We find other people who I feel safe with and that helps bring down all that energy so then you can think more clearly and be more creative in how you connect and move forward. I'd love to hear. What are you hearing? How are you dealing with finding balance or how are you able to choose how you spend your time and energy? Catherine is one of our regular participants. Catherine, if you're available to share what's opened up for you in this conversation, we appreciate it.
A lot spoke to me. I love that we only have room in our lives for the things that are going to make us happy because I too was once a yes girl. I was always overextending myself and then afraid or fearing what people were going to think of me. I want to be a servant and put myself last. I had to come to the decision that it's not necessarily being selfish. It's loving yourself. Until you provide self-love, you can't be whole to anyone else.
Once I switched my way of thinking, and it wasn't that I was trying to be negative, but learning balance. I think that I was fulfilled in all other aspects of my life, but from a relationship perspective, it hit me the hardest. I have learned also that you are who you attract. I've heard it worded in a different way. Show me your closest five friends and I'll show you who you are.
I think once I started realizing that if I surround myself with people who also want to raise each other up and not gossip talk about one another but help one another. Also, learn and raise each other up to do positive things. I have a really good, um, circle as well. I've been blessed to be put in contact with people like Valerie, Johanna, and other people in my life who are very positive.
It makes such a huge difference when you're surrounded by a circle of women who support you and everybody else is good too. When you get that support from women, it changes your mindset and the light that shines down in your life. Why do you think, Adriana that is specifically women who help do that for you?
We're powerful. The things we can do together and the things that we can accomplish when we work together are amazing. I've seen it. I think that's why I know now because I see it. I've seen it from the group of girls and from the Association for Women in Events Group of Girls that I've been surrounded within the last year or so. It's women supporting women to get where they want to be in life. When you put us all together, powerful things happen.
We are powerful, and we can accomplish things when we work together.
Catherine, is there anything else that's opened up for you or any questions?
No. I think that it was as usual very inspirational and definitely, you are who you attract is something that spoke to me and my healing, again, specifically in relationships because in the past I used to feel like I kept meeting the same guy over and over with a different name but I had to look within myself and say, “I had to own my own, um, healing that needed to be done.” Once I did those things and quit beating myself up per se, then it led to different types of relationships. I think that's so true. Sometimes that's a hard thing to do. To quit looking out the window and pick up a mirror.
Catherine, I would add to that. One of the things that I think we underestimate is the energy that we put out. It's like a satellite signal. If we're not tuned in to ourselves when we are not aware of the areas that we need to heal, we're not aware of the areas that we need to grow and expand, or we need to move to the next level, it's likely that we're not going to pick up all the channels that we can pick up.
We're not going to have the surroundings and the support. I'm limited in my analogy. I'm not that technically inclined, but I do feel that what you said about picking up a mirror allows us to first work on ourselves. I think in relationships, I've had the same experience where I realized that the reason I was attracting the kind of men I was attracting was because of who I was being and showing up that way.
There were some self-limiting that led me to be the way that I was being and it's been interesting how I've started to shift that mind. I think I've shared with some of you guys the idea of love that I had when I was seven years old was that I was going to marry my best friend and that we were going to be inseparable and have all these great conversations. Any man who became my best friend was a target. You might be the one whether he wanted to or not.
I'm like, “That's how it's going to work.” The challenge was that outsourcing my love life to a seven-year-old was not a successful strategy. When I looked inward, I saw, “That's why the seven-year-old,” and usually, some message from our childhood usually gets programmed and it starts running the system. I think what we are talking about is we have to take a moment to look within and see, “What is that programming? Is it serving me?”
If it's not serving us, then we either uninstall it, put in something else, and start reaching out to the people around us. I'm fortunate not to have attracted a man who is a best friend, but also who loves and is attracted to me in the way that someone my age would need. Thank you so much, Catherine, for sharing your thoughts. It's been very powerful. Stop looking out the window. Pick up a mirror.[Ma4]
The other thing too is self-care and self-love. The other thing that I think is important is when you realize that the stress in your life is getting high or the things are starting to pile up on top of you, whatever it is that makes you happy to step away and do those things, regardless of what else is going on in your life. Dancing used to be my thing. I don't do it as much anymore. I wish I did, but now it's more spa and relaxation days that are important to me. I will take a day and say, “I'm disconnecting from everything and I'm going to go get a massage and a facial. I don't want to hear noise. I don't want to hear a ding of the phone. I don't want anything. Give me 24 hours by myself or give me 15 minutes or 20 minutes.”
Having that, that self-care time is so important to your healing and making sure that you can continue to go on and do all the things that you're supposed to do. Also, being in tune with your body and knowing when that stress level is going up and then doing whatever it takes to bring it back down and try to keep it on that level is key as well.
What's made you bring that up about self-care? It’s because I think that's an area that all of us could do a little better on whether that self-care as you said is a spa day or whether it's dancing or whether it's a date night, fitness, or whatever. What made you decide self-care was a way to manage your life?
I read a lot about how people say it. They say with relationships, it's important for you to have date nights. It's important for you to still stay grounded in what makes you happy and again, you're in tune with how you feel. When I go have a spa day and I come back home, I'm a happier person. I'm relaxed. It goes back to what you said. When you can calm down in a conversation and see it from a relaxed point of view or point of view, then you can make better decisions. The same thing when life gets crazy and you start piling up with the stress and all the things that are going on in social media, phones, TV, and responsibility.
With all these things packed on, for me at least, I can feel the stress in my body pick up and I think, “I got to go get back to my happy place.” I've even added on meditating in the morning, getting up early in the morning, and stretching because with stretching, you can feel it release in your body like, “All that stress is getting out of me.” You have to be in tune because it goes back to what Catherine was saying. If you're not happy with yourself, nobody else is going to be happy with you. Your clients, your friends, your family, your coworkers, your husband, or your kids, nobody's going to be happy if you're not happy with yourself. You have to take care.
Also, when you get on the airplane, they always say that if the mask dropped down, put it on yourself first, and then put it on your kid. At first, I was like, “I will put it on my kids first.” You can't take care of your kid if you're not okay so you got to put the mask on yourself first, and then you can take care of everybody else around you. At one point in my life, I felt like it sounded selfish, but sometimes you have to be selfish. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of everybody else.
What changed when you thought it was selfish to now? What shifted?
I think becoming a big girl and putting your foot down and saying, “I got to take care of this for me. I got to stop doing it for everybody else first. I have to do it for me first, and then I can do everybody else because it doesn't work the other way. If you try to do it the other way, you're not happy and then nobody's happy. If Mama's not happy, nobody's happy. When you get to that point, you realize, “This isn't working.” They say, “If that's working for you, then keep doing it. If it's not working, then you got to change something.” If it's not working, you have to change it.
Care for yourself before everybody else, because it doesn't work the other way.
What about the rest of your family? How does this all play out with your parents, sisters, and brothers, all of that?
I don't know their opinion about it, but I have a village and I couldn't do what I do if I didn't have my village. If I didn't have my husband, my amazing mother-in-law, my mother, my aunts, and my cousins. Everybody steps in. My grandma will come up. Ever since we've had Gavin, at the drop of a hat, when we need help, they come over and help. I believe that they are supportive of my dreams and goals. Me and Brian having a date night, they're supportive of that. They'll come over. “You all go on a date night and we'll watch Gavin.” If you don't have your village of support, then it's harder. I think they're all okay with it and they understand. I hope so.
You live relatively close. Tell us what part of the country you're in.
We're here in Dallas, Texas and all of my family is within at least a 45-minute to 1-hour drive max. We are both very blessed. My mother-in-law lives right down the street. My mom is not far away, and everybody comes over. We're just super blessed to have everybody here next to us.
It makes a difference in having a village that feels like a village. I totally get that. I'd love to hear a male perspective. I'm not going to call on anyone, although I know I saw an eye roll. If there's a male who would like to share what's opening up for them, I would love that. No pressure. I only see Irving or Brian. Would you like to share what's been opening up?
I have a comment to share. I am a strong believer that we surround ourselves with people that we want to be attached with. We want to be close to the people we like and like us, but we also need to think sometimes about what can we contribute to the people. Sometimes I have a friend and I say, “This person is amazing. I want to be his or her friend, whatever but sometimes we need to also add something into their relationship like what I can contribute to a relationship. What are the strengths or the skills or something I can have to provide to any kind of relation? It's a win-win situation, even in the personal relationships and also in the business relationship relationships. We also need to think about what we can do and what can we offer to someone else.
What I'm hearing you say Irving is not about who we need necessarily always about attracting.
What can we offer as well?
What would you say to that?
It's a two-way street. One of the things with Veronica and the girls that I'm working with on the HGA stuff is when I first got together with them, Veronica would turn around and say, “How can I help you?” It's like, “I don't know.” When you offer your help or you go back, you're like, “Somebody's offering to help back in return. Not only can I do all these things for you, but how can you help me?” “I don't know. Nobody's ever asked me that before.”
I think it's a two-way street. It goes back to what can we do for each other. They say to treat others how you would want to be treated. I think it's a two-way street and giving back to one another. Also, how can we help because you're not feeling into that emotional bank account? You've got to keep each other's emotional bank accounts full. That applies to my husband and I's relationship. I'll go to him and say, “My emotional bank account is a little low. I need you to water the plant a little bit.”
I remember you sharing that idea about the plan. Tell us a little bit more about the emotional bank account and how that plays in.
What you were saying Irving was it's a two-way street so you can't constantly withdraw from that emotional bank account. You can't constantly, “I need this. I need that,” without turning around and giving back and helping to whatever that is that that person needs. You've got to deposit into that emotional bank account for them as well so both of your accounts are equally able to produce.
Whatever that is for somebody, whether it's helping them get jobs or get connections, lending an ear or coming over when they need you, or whatever the case may be. You're listening when they call or sending a reply text message or whatever it is but depositing into that emotional bank account. You've got to keep that full so that everybody's happy.
Deposit into that emotional bank account. You've got to keep that full so that everybody's happy.
With that said, Stephen Covey, I remember talking a lot about the emotional bank account. The idea is that we have to make significant deposits in other people's lives. When we know the person well enough, as you said, if somebody comes up and asks, “How can I help you?” For you, it seems like that was a big deposit to me. Someone did something that had a lot of significant impact on you. Now, there are people who might make a deposit, but that doesn't necessarily occur to you as a deposit. It doesn't necessarily feel like a deposit. It feels more like, “I appreciate that, but now you're giving me more work to do.”
That's something that's important for us to see how we contribute to others. I had a guest Felipe Ferreira from Rio de Janeiro. One of the things he talked about a lot was serving others and the things that we can do to support other people. Sometimes being very nice is enough and feeling that we have a choice to contribute to other people's lives. Thank you, Irving, for bringing that perspective.
We have time for one more question or one more comment before we wrap up. Anyone else would like to say something or ask a question? Subscribe to the Connected Joy Channel. Adriana, back to you to wrap up. What's the next frontier for you? What area are you looking to continue to expand and grow yourself to continue to feed that passion?
There are quite a few things that we have in the works this year so I don't know. As I said, I have a plan, but I don't know what God's plan is for it. I'll continue to do The Hey Chica! stuff. The Association for Women and Events. Those are two big organizations that I'm passionate about and excited to be a part of. I've also met a couple of gals doing women's bible study groups that we're doing and starting to get involved in so I can get background to my calling and what I'm supposed to do being a virtuous woman. Also, making sure that I'm doing all the things, but from the right perspective. There are a lot of things in the works that I hope will come to fruition.
How can I help you?
You've already helped me a ton. You help me every time I call you. I'm like, “Valerie.” I love that we have the mastermind meetings that we do, and I think that, again, goes back to your personal board of directors or whatever you want to call it. It's having a solid niche of people that you can reach out to. That's how you help me. I love being able to have grounded feedback from you and you always give me a different perspective or a different lens to look at things from. I'm so grateful for you.
Thank you so much. I'm grateful to you too. I also consider you a member of my board of directors, and my number one supporter. This has been a phenomenal conversation. Thank you so much, Adriana, for taking this time to share with us some of your own passions and the things that you've done to grow yourself. Again, my job here, I feel like my purpose is to help inspire and activate people to become alive.
There might be areas where you're not, and that's okay. The journey of living is to figure out where we're not so that we can bring some light to it. As Catherine said, pick up that mirror, take a look, and see where we need to be. Also like Irving being able to contribute to other people sometimes is a way of coming to life as well and it multiplies. My favorite quote, and I love to end on this note is from Howard Thurman. He says, “Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive because what the world needs are more people who have come alive.”
Our responsibility is to put on that mask and come to life so that we can also do the same for the community of work that surrounds us. With that, thank you so much, Adriana, for joining us, and for the rest of you who took the time to be with us. Thank you. Again, feel free to share this with your community and see what conversations come to life in yours. Have a wonderful day everyone.
Important Links
Adriana Gallegos - LinkedIn
Felipe Ferreira – past episode
Jean-Paul Sartre: “We are our choices.”
It’s a blessing when we can uncover our passions and a miraculous moment when we find ways to put our passions to work at home and in our careers. Adriana Gallegos has taken her love for hosting events and is building a brand and lifestyle out of it. She’s created a village of people in her family and inner circle to help her push forward, ground her, and expand her purpose.
Highlights:
Moving from people-pleasing to aligning actions with our values
Stop looking out the window and pick up a mirror.
Surround yourself with people who will help bring out your best self.
Subscribe to my YouTube channel and access new and past episodes! To receive episodes in your inbox, subscribe at www.TimeToComeAlive.com.
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